a Blessing, at first in Disguise..

Havent written in here forever, dont care if noone reads it. just needed something to vent..

everything is going good, but i cant fight the ghosts of you, you ruined my trust forever, its so hard to trust now, i get sick to my stomach, i know he wont do anything and he loves me, but you.. you made me second guess, even when there is no need. I feel threatend still by all the smallest things, you brought my insecurities out and left them in the open, while i am trying to get rid of them , its still so hard to leave them behind. One day I will be stronger and back to who i once was, but for now my tummy hurts.. I dont want to ever hurt like I did. I want to change and trust and not have the worry that something is going on when its not.. I want to be carefree.

I want to trust someone who totally deserves it!!

I feel sick.

why did she have to die.

Why God?



.... WHY!!!!!!!

still no computer.. i will update soon i miss you all love you and merry christmas!

im having withdrawls from computer..


my life has been nutts ill update as soon as i have a computer that works.

lots to tell.

xoxo

holidays arent what they are made out to be..

I miss you Jenny..

I wish i could stop the pain from everyone.. this is just too sad and sucky and i dunno what to say without talking for an hour..


Please God let jenny be safe and happy.. and always stay with us. I love you jenny.. we all do.

Tried to sleep, but i got 19754285 calls


and then .. adam (repo man) was just here ..

Adam keeps coming slowly, and taking his stuff.. our stuff.. this is hard..
and everytime something leaves, my heartbreaks.

Just so hard..

He took our bedroom tv, and his games n stuff.. n his socks.. i dont have any of my own socks i always wear his..





...now my feet will be cold and thats not the only thing:-/

When it Rains it Pours



My life is completely crazy.
I dont know anything anymore.
I have to say that the past
2 months have been hell.
But it's getting easier
as the days go by.

Life as I knew it changed
I changed,
you changed.
My thoughts and dreams changed.
How come?

I just don't know anymore, I just can't feel because im so numb. I don't understand life. I want to be happy, I do. I just don't know anymore i guess what happy is.

Its kinda sucky everything.. I guess im just depressed.
Im starting to realize alot of things though,

I've realized that I have awesum friends, and i don't think i can go a day without seeing them! .. well atleast talking to them.

Life is crazy.. and so am I .. maybe thats why we're bumping heads right now. I know things are gettnig better.. but just like everything else, they have to get worse before they can get better.

And Jenny.. I love you, I cant go a day without thinking about you .. and missing you. I wish you were coming tonight, i want to make diaherrea cookies again for you. I love you lots. And miss you like crazy.

I need a nap.. **someone has kept me up late a lotta nites in a row.. and i have huge bags under my eyes! **

I have a lotta stuff to write about, alot has happened. Maybe ill right later.

Love you all

xoxo

wharrrtever

i cant breathe and i hate this.. and more than that i hate


nevermind

i just need to sceram yet noones here to listen. Except you.. but i realize that you dont listen..


i hate myself and i feel sick and wish . ugh i dunno

im going to puke

Thank you Mike for showin me this..

its so me now..:-/


"Something More"

Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standing still today
It's gonna make me late, and thats for sure
I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine

[Chorus:]
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more

Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before die

[Repeat Chorus]

Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best believe that I'm not gonna wait
'Cause there's gotta be something more

I get home 7:30 the house is dirty, but it can wait
Yeah, 'cause right now I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
But I ain't gonna answer that's for sure.
There's gotta be something!

Happy 2nd Birthday my lil baby girlie!

 

i <3 u lots baby!

life

aldina is right, i member worrying more about what i was going to wear to school then what is going on in the world..

i cant believe what i have been thru in the past 5 years.. i was 16...


16-21 and ive had hella expiriences.. and i would only change one.. and thats Jenny leaving us ... everything else made me stronger (*Jenny made me way stronger and helped me see, but i wish she was here still *) .. and now will make me happier.

I dont know where i would start.. but i know ive learned from these 5 years and im a better person

I will not fail.. its just not what i do.(except that stupid life insurance exam.. 3 times.. gosh!)

and this is the hardest thing ive done in my whole life .. but damn, im me.. and i can do whatever i put my mind to.. and noone is going to stop me from suceeding.

I have to say i lost a boyfriend, but kept a friendship. We arent meant to be together, but we;ll always be family, and he'll always hold a place in my heart.. but for now.. friends.. one of my best.. just like before..

So yes, life throws sum curve balls, and im not looking to just bunt, i want to hit it over the fence, outta the park and into the stars.... bc i have the best family and friends around ....my support

and honestly.. what they say what doesnt kill me makes me stronger.. is so true.


i just wish that it was easier.. but if it was, what would that make me?
Atleast I have feelings and emotions and atleast i Love.


watch out, 2006 is a new Bri.. fresh start and im gunna grab it n run with it!

enuff babling n all this gay talk..

basically i love yous and thank you for helping me in this shitty time..

I'm Beautifully Broken ♥

I love yous
xoxo
*B*

Mackies party turned out awesum, she got so much cool stuff..

I love her so much!




.. i can't stop smiling ..


.............. and i love seeing brooke smile again .......

xoxo

good nite, good conversations... felt good.

i really think jenny is bringing friends closer..
thank you jenny i love you and misses you!

BabyDina12: oh here is your horoscope
BabyDina12:
Quickie:
It's OK to be wishy-washy sometimes -- don't feel pressured to rush your decision.